A Chat About ?
by In Need Of Slash Fix
Summary: In one of the frequent meetings of Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore, rather a different topic is brought up. Inspired by a bunny attack lurking in a review, I am pointing this towards mrscakeakajane whom I did ask rather nicely 8 D


_Warning: MAJOR OOC ALERT! If you don't like dramaqueen!Snape and twinkly!Dumbledore (which is completely impossible by the way) then bugger off. If not, READ BITCH READ!Oh, and if you're wondering why there is so much descriptive crap concerning Snape it's because of the whole drama queen thing. *hairflick* ...you can read it now. I'm sorry if it's crap.  
And mrscakeakajane- thanks for the inspiration! =D_

* * *

Severus walked gracefully and spider-like into the office where he was greeted by the image of his boss sitting as his desk. Smiling slightly. Severus paused fluidly, eyeing Professor Dumbledore with suspicion, before sidling up to the chair in front of the Headmasters' desk and stopping, not abruptly, behind it.

"Albus," he questioned cautiously. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he said,

"Severus. How are you today?"

He clasped his hands on the table. Severus eyed them apprehensively as he folded his own not at all neglected arms across his chest. He ignored the unspoken request for his sitting down.

"… What is this?" he asked, one eyebrow perfectly arched.

Albus raised his hands into the air. "What is what?" he replied, "I'm merely exchanging pleasantries, my friend."

Severus cleverly knew something was up. If Albus Dumbledore said "my friend" to Severus Snape, he either had something unhealthy planned or he had a death wish.

"No…," Severus said softly, using his most dangerous voice for the topic, "I can sense something. Don't trick me Albus; I've known you for too long."

Of course, the dangerous voice had no effect on the bearded icon of eccentricity sat opposite, as he replied without a second thought;

"Well, I will admit I was off Muggling this morning…"

"Oh god…" the aggravated thought escaped Severus' well used lips before he could act against it.

"…And I did have this wonderful idea…" Dumbledore continued, oblivious to Severus' discomfort.

"Please don't say it includes me…" said man whispered, his eyes feverishly closed.

"…involving you. And Harry." At this, the defeated Potions Master collapsed – rather dejectedly – into the chair, rubbing his unwrinkled temples and huffing,

"_Anything_ that has me and Potter in the same breath can_not_ be good."

Albus merely acknowledged this thought with a half-smile and another twinkle in his eyes. Snape glared at him contemptuously. Dumbledore flexed his fingers before clasping his hands once more onto the god damn desk.

"Quit it, Albus. Reveal or regret it," Severus spectacularly growled out the last two words menacingly, sounding more intimidating than he had hoped for. Of course, Dumbledore saw right through the act, and beckoned him to come closer.

Severus' eyes widened as he heard the old wizards' plan, and he leant backward, shaking his not at all L'Oreal-ed head frantically.

"No!," he muttered, regaining slightly musical volume, "Never in a million years."

Albus smiled, as he probably thought he was getting somewhere. "Please?" he crooned- the tone of his voice brought a familiar sickening feeling in Severus's stomach- before adding in an even softer tone, "For me?"

"Nope." Severus found himself unfazed by the other mans' obvious attempt to melt him down, and his tone was sharp as a knife as he continued, "That's a plain, resounding no. Why should I even consider putting myself through that for your … entertainment… when you have sat back and watched as I was humiliated over and over again by those little pricks? And you love it!"

Albus seemed taken aback by the last bit. Indignity setting in, he came out with;

"Oh, that's a lie. When have I ever-"

"Too many times to count." Severus was getting hand-ly physical now, his finger pointing at the Headmasters' general person, as he ranted on, "and I am NOT going to do that, not in a million years, not even if you and I were the last people on earth, which would make the whole situation pointless anyway."

Flicking his perfectly ungreased (to him, in any case) hair out of the way, Severus crossed his arms and leaned back in his ever luxurious chair. Only Albus Dumbledore would know he was sulking.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows.

Severus felt slightly warmer, but still refused to give up his practised position, averting his gaze to a point across the room.

Then, Albus did the unforgivable- he lowered his head and gave Severus the X-Ray Glare™. Damn him and his half-moon spectacles! Severus struggled to keep his manly composure, as he could feel the eyes of the world's most powerful wizard digging into him.

Stealing sulky glances at the ever-staring Albus, he eventually melted, inwardly cursing the other man and outwardly murmuring, "And you never ask nicely either," in an accusative tone.

"I'm asking nicely now! I am," Albus added to the expression on the offended Professors' face, "I am asking nicely. I am asking very nicely with a cherry on top, soon to be followed by chocolate sprinkles and a smattering of icing sugar-"

He didn't get to finish his little persuasive, as Severus stood up explosively – knocking the chair over in the process – and threw his not at all manicured hands up in exasperation.

"Chocolate sprinkles and _icing sugar_?" he hissed. "Come on, _everyone_ knows that the two just _don't-go-together!_ That would be like … ugh! It's too awful to even compare! No. Anybody who's anybody would know that you don't put together chocolate sprinkles and-"

By this point, Albus was stifling laughter, and Severus noticed it most ungracefully.

"Are you laughing at me? You are, aren't you?!" he accused, swiftly taking the chair from the floor and sitting in it once more – regally.

"Oh, come on. You know I'm only-"

"Oh no, you're not joking." Severus sank lower in his seat until his robe-covered chest was level with the table. "You're just taking any opportunity you can to do what you do best- eating away at my self-esteem until I'm hanging onto it by a fingernail, and then warping it until it's completely unrecognisable!"

Dumbledore paused before curtly replying, "What was that about not being a drama queen?"

At this, Severus's head snapped up and he smartly raised himself to his full – seated – height.

"When have I ever said that? Not that I _am_ a drama queen, such a ridiculous notion-" he protested.

"Severus. My friend. My dear colleague. You don't _have_ to mention it. It just surrounds your presence..Like an aura!"

Severus landed his boss with a Death Glare™.

"You have to do it don't you?" he jabbed a bony finger at the offending wizard. "Here I was, thinking I finally found someone who didn't hate me-"

"Why Severus, you seem to think the world's against you, dear," smirked Albus, knowing he'd hit a spot somewhere in his colleague's darker brain.

Severus glared resentfully at the old fool.

Dumbledore backtracked, sighing, "Ok, fine, I guess I can always get someone else to do it…"

"Hmm?" Severus suddenly seemed less interested in Killing By Death Glares™, and sat up straighter.

"Someone more … hmm, I don't know … more cheerful? And definitely a less pallid look about them- oh, I know! Maybe I can get _Potter_ to do it?" Albus knew that the use of the boy's surname instead of his first name would snap Severus. He looked expectantly at the greasy-haired, miserable man.

After three long seconds, Severus decided against his most helpful and silent gut instinct.

"Ok, ok, fine!" he sighed, officially and utterly defeated, "I'll help you write your freakin' Snarry fic. But this had better be good, I will be scarred for life, my once pleasant dreams curbed by the bane of-"

"Severus. Drama queenage."

"*glower*," was all a scowling Severus had to say to that.

Albus Dumbledore smiled. "I knew you'd warm to the idea," he twinkled.

"Hmph."

* * *

_Ah, this was fun to write. Maybe if I ever get time I'll do a little sequel or something...  
Well, I'll be off now, as it is half two in the morning. I don't even know what I'm doing up at this ungodly hour (omg, that is such a certain blonde git phrase!), because I don't even friggin' know._

_Byeseys then  
Chezzy =D_

_PS- C|:{D-|-- Nothing, NOTHING, beats the ASCII hat man._


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